For beginner meditators, the question that is often asked is: "How can I be mindful when most everyone around me is not?"This isn't easy to do in the beginning of your meditation practice, but once you are aware of right action, it becomes unacceptable to watch behaviors, or participate in behaviors, that are harmful to yourself and others. Once you are aware of the impact you have on yourself and others by responding, rather than reacting, you will be more inclined to incorporate gentleness into difficult situations.
Mindfulness changes your perception and can, at times, feel like you are walking alone on the spiritual path. It is all too easy to follow the direction that much of society buys into: watching television every evening, going to parties and over-indulging in mind-numbing substances, gossiping, venting for hours on end, acting out of revenge, shopping until you drop, and not taking responsibility for your actions.
For the individuals who are mindful, navigating in a world where many people are not does get easier. What you learn is that you can take right action with strength and gentleness at the same time.
Our culture often defines standing up for oneself as putting on the boxing gloves and acting mean, sometimes irrational in order to be heard. However, the more mindful you become, you learn not to waste your energy and time reacting, rather you spend more time defining what is the right action for you to take while taking the time to understand the position of the person, or persons, with whom you have conflicts with.
We all know too well that angry reactions come quickly when we have been wronged. But, mindfulness is your protection and is often the gauge of what to do and how to do what you need to do at any given moment.
It may feel strange to combine gentleness with right action when you are in a situation where you have to stand up for yourself. But the two together allow you to maintain the certainty that you need to move forward without doubt and regret.
A common scenario, which I hear often from friends and clients, is: "I keep asking my employer for X, Y, and Z, and they don't give it to me." How does one proceed with right action in this scenario? By not asking? By dropping it because you don't want to create any waves? By asking and then getting angry because you don't get what you ask for? Every scenario is unique, but in general, right action would be to gently ask. If unanswered, gently ask again. If still unanswered, gently ask again.
If still unanswered, one could ask their employer how they are doing or they could ask for a meeting to discuss the situation. If needs are still not being met, then one must decide whether they can accept the person and their actions or if they need to move on. And moving on can mean any number of things from not work for their employer anymore, wait several months before bringing up the issues again, and so on. There are more options to take when it comes to right action. When it comes to reacting impulsively, the options are limited and often harmful.
So be gentle in your assertiveness. Be grounded when you stand up for yourself. Stay calm when you ask for your needs to be met. As cliche as this may sound, don't give up, rather, explore different ways for you to maintain mindfulness, no matter how challenging a scenario may be.
