There are many reasons for this. Our society for one: the news, specific television shows, the combative nature of entertainment talk-shows, and many Hollywood films, often contribute to this mode of operandi ultimately leading to being hooked by the snowball effect of anger. And unfortunately this behavior is justified which only leads to more of this behavior.
This is when addiction to conflict becomes a habit. And it becomes an attractive habit because once a person is addicted to conflict they gain attention. It's negative attention, but it's attention nonetheless. Therefore, that person is addicted to gaining negative attention.
Sometimes it is very difficult to recognize the person, or perhaps persons, in your life who are addicted to conflict. For individuals with this addiction they often appear that they want to be helped, but as soon as you give it to them, they reject the help and turn that too into a conflict. In fact, for these individulas, everything becomes a potential source of conflict.
How do we recognize these people in our lives? Some people who are addicted to conflict - - their addiction comes out under certain circumstances - stress is often a trigger for that person. These individulas are often pessimistic, which means that they will view most situations negatively. Tying this into the book we are currently reading, Calming Your Anxious Mind, by Jeffrey Brantley, MD, this in turn affects their health.
There really isn't much one can do for the person who is addicted to conflict. Hopefully, that individual will see their own behavior, recognize the damage that it is doing to them and others, tire of it, and eventually seek relief and make changes in their life.
On Tuesday evening the reading from Calming Your Anxious Mind, by Jeffrey Brantley, MD, included the three elements of stress hardiness: commitment, control, and challenge. We discussed these. In relation to the person who is addicted to conflict, keep in mind what Brantley wrote about control.
"Control means being confident that you have the ability to cushion the hurt or destructiveness of a particular stressful situation. It does not mean that you have to control other people or all aspects of a situation. Control is the refusal to become a victim (the role that the individual who is addicted to conflict takes). Control is the ability to focus on what you can control and not be distracted by what you cannot."
If you know someone who is addicted to conflict - disengage, don't get caught up in their drama that is behind their addiction. This takes much strength. Another bit of advice that may help is to remember your commitment to peace and compassion.
